Uncertainty

I found this picture on my hard drive. It is a photograph of a flower shaded in blue (nearly the same shade of blue I selected as my wedding color). This flower, actually graced the cover of our wedding program. At the time I selected the flower, I was filled with such certainty: a certainty that I was marrying a good man, a certainty that everything was working out so well, a certainty that like this picture captured in space in time, my marriage would last forever! Flash forward 7 months, 20 days and some odd hours, and my husband and I aren't even on speaking terms.

The funny thing is, I was recently looking at myself in relation to my coworkers, many of whom were experiencing marital woes, and saying to myself, whew, Thank God I am so much better off. There is this one girl who, based on the interaction she shares with us between herself and her husband, left me questioning, "Why she even bother getting married in the first place!" I gathered that the "poor girl" was miserable based on what she had shared with us and commented over and over to myself (and others who also heard the stories) how "sorry" I felt for her.

Another girl, shared with me that she recently became a born again Christian, and her husband, who is not born again, is resenting her for her sudden "change". I was encouragaing her and reaching out in prayer on her behalf due to the fact that he was making her miserable because he, and I quote, "did not sign up for this Christian thing" with her.

Another young lady stated she has been married for nearly 10 years, and literally "hated" her husband for the first 7 years of her marriage. She said he would go out on business trips a lot and she would simply love it, because the more time he was away, the happier she was. While she claims to be happier now, and "in love" with her husband again, he has yet to make a decision on "having children" with her, which he will not even consider until "next year". Tsk, tsk. I said to myself. I am so much better off. These poor, miserable, people. Now all of my certainties have transformed into uncertainties:

I don't know why my husband has yet to wear his wedding band.

I don't know why he has suddenly decided to join a gym and come home late in the evening every night.

I don't know why, because of a stupid little argument, he has stopped calling me throughout the day to find out how I am doing.

I don't know why he told me he would have divorced me if he was not a quote on quote Christian man.

I don't know when my husband and I will even be on speaking terms, much less enjoying the marital bliss that we briefly shared.

I don't know if I will make it through this situation. And even if I do, I don't know if things will be the same between us.