Notes on Happiness

Today is Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. It represents one of the biggest shopping days of the year in the US. My husband and I were getting ready to take advantage of the sales that are going on to purchase a much needed coat for him.

He just left and I am now sitting here at the computer crying.

I broke...

Literally...I felt as if I broke when he said to me, "You and I were not meant to be together." He reinforced it by saying that it didn't matter how much time we were together: 2 years, 20 years, 40 years...we would remain miserable and continue to argue because we simply were not supposed to be. How was I able to stand there with a straight face with a husband who ONCE AGAIN was telling me that we shouldn't be married.

What is one to do after that?

A simple conversation about the hardships of marriage in the first year, turned into a disagreement that resulted in him telling me that our marriage is a mistake.

Every smile, every stroke, every joke, every intimate moment feels like a farce...a fake...a make believe slice of happiness. How do I swallow that and continue on in this marriage? Lord help me!

Today's Feelings

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's just say I have been feeling that way since Sunday!