Dying 1000 Deaths

People around me are often commenting on the fact that as a 7 and 1/2 month pregnant woman, I am doing way too much. I get the kids ready in the morning, pack their bags, take them to the sitter, go the opposite direction of my job to drop them off, drive to work and work really long hours, go past my exit on the Parkway on my commute back home to pick them up, load them into and out of the car, stopping by the supermarket to pick up groceries in between.

In addition to dealing with the children's discipline (which my husband isn't big on), the bills, the cleanliness of the house, assuring there is food (even if I have to pick it up from my mom's house for lack of time and energy), I often feel like a single parent who just happens to be married!

Tonight, I literally felt rage inside that wanted to bubble out. When I walked into our apartment, with my sleeping son in my arms and a few bags on my shoulder, you'd think he'd run up to me and take our son from me (sleep weight is like dead weight and I felt like I would lose breath with every step). But he just kept right on doing what he had started doing, which was to warm of food for himself, and I found myself struggling to take off my boots and make my way up the stairs to put our son down to sleep. What man ignores their pregnant wife struggling to carry their son up the stairs? I guess the same man who ignores their pregnant wife in all other aspects of her life.

I wanted to walk back down the stairs and hit him! I was so angry...so angry that I have to go through all of this...so angry that he is so oblivious - correction, so uncaring, about all that I am going through. What have I done to make him hate me to the point where he doesn't care about my well-being. How is it possible that I am in this situation????????

I have already resigned myself to the fact that I am in this alone...but the implicatioons of it, with a third child on the way are so unsettling that I break down inside and feel as if I'm dying 1000 deaths.

I feel like its a matter of time before I just pack up my kids and leave him here in this house alone. How much more of this can I take?

I feel so guilty that I am putting my unborn son through so much durress, but what am I to do! I feel like I'm at a point past talking to my husband...I simply don't know how to anymore. Everything I say to him, he completely takes the wrong way, blows out of context or simply ignores.

How do I come back from making the biggest mistake in my life?