Turning Point

It has gone from bad, to the absolute worse! My husband has proven to me that he could care less for the woman he calls his wife. He claims that I am some horrible woman who "lacks respect", "doesn't allow him to be a man", "treats him worse than anyone" and all these other things, that when I sit down to really think about, is simply excuses for him to treat me the way he does. I have NEVER known a man to treat a pregnant woman as my husband has treated me throughout all 3 of my pregnancies, and our marriage, for that matter. I almost laughed when people were in shock, asking me if "I still drive" or "still work" or "still go to BJs to go grocery shopping"! As pregnant as I was, my husband made me drive to work, while he sat in the passenger seat sleeping every morning!

I have come to realize that my husband cares about himself primarily, and then our children, secondary. It's always about his school, and his finishing this program, and his needing a car, and his needing this and his not having that! He is constantly complaining about what "he" doesn't have. And it is maddening...as the person who is trying to make ends meet...trying to keep our head above water...how selfish his attitude could become!

His own family comments to me about how he is always hanging out at their house, or out with friends, leaving me behind with the children! I had one of his friends' girlfriend comment to me about how he is "always around" without me and without the children, hanging out with the "boys" and how she couldn't understand how I managed to do so much alone! When I confronted him about it, he said that if he could stay away even longer, he would. That shows you just how much he cares!

Two weeks before I was due (to have our 3rd child), my husband said to me, "Did you file our income taxes yet?" "I NEED MONEY TO PAY FOR MY SCHOOL!" I was so thrown by the statement that I actually wrote it down! He needed money to pay for "HIS" school. I knew that, I was working on it by working overtime for several weeks, right up to the week that I had the baby. Nevermind our family would be out of income, nevermind we needed money to pay rent, purchase groceries, pay the car note. It was all about him once again!

So here we are present day. I had the baby almost two weeks ago, a precious baby boy! I had to endure pain like you wouldn't believe. Through the horrible labor pains and through the entire ordeal, my husband has almost never inquired about my well being. It was fitting that my mom was in the operating room with me as I underwent a 3rd C-Section in 18 months. When he came to the hospital, it was simply to see the baby...he didn't bother to ask how I was feeling, how I was coping with the pain.

I am now staying at my mothers' house, as a recovery would have been nearly impossible with a 2 year old and 18 month old child. Thank God for my mother, who has taken some time off of work to help me. My husband clearly does not care to do so. When he comes to visit, he plays with the children for brief while, mainly watches TV and barely utters more than 2 words to me.
Despite my trying to not let my family see what has been going on between us, it has become very evident to them that our relationship is strained and that my husband does not appear to care about my wellbeing.

We are most certainly reaching a turning point for the worst...